The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
