oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
