You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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