I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
