Your tits are I can't wait for
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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