I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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