I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
