You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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