i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
