RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
