Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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