Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
