You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
