I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
