My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
