I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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