we have pet lesbian snakes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
