at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
