Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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