I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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