Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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