So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize