I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
