So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
