Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
