who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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