i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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