Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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