they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
