Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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