I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
