Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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