Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
where does the pee come out of this thing
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
