U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
