So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
