I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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