She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
