fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
