There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
