I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i think im in europe. pls send help
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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