i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
