I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
