Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
