omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
