Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
