Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
