That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
