I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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