How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
