you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
