Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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