walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
