My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
